I love painting faces, but the idea of doing a realistic self-portrait is very intimidating. I was grateful that I did this lesson after my latest journal jam face which loosened me up for using a more painterly style. I have learned to love the Stabilo All pencil to sketch faces and then blend with water so I used that this time.
And then I looked at it the next day and I kept thinking she looked like an old lady and a complete stranger. I wasn't happy with the proportions of the eyes or the mouth and I decided to change them. Luckily having not sealed the Stabilo originally I was able to use a baby wipe to remove a lot!
The minute I did that I had second thoughts and I had to do a LOT of reworking of the entire face. I lost all joy in the process and was wishing I hadn't touched it. But I persisted, and as I kept working, and reworking, and then went back to using the techniques I love, eventually a face emerged that was better than the last.
This still doesn't look like me, but it feels more youthful, softer and kinder. I could re-work it again - the eyes aren't perfect - but see that word Release? I think I've got as much out of this lesson as is possible before it tips from learning and self-kindness into frustration. Hopefully when I look at her tomorrow I'll still like her. I'm putting her out into the world now.
I am so glad that I am doing these weekly lessons in a journal devoted to this year-long class : it's a smaller size than my main journal so I feel like I will be able to manage to complete each lesson on time and because it's just for these lessons I feel more willing to take risks because I'm just trying out techniques. And now I'm ready to turn the page and eagerly await next week's lesson.
